Thursday, April 28, 2011

I Am Funny

Today I won two tickets to the new comedy club in downtown Phoenix! Yay me! Downtown Phoenix had a contest on their facebook page for the funniest clean joke...and I won. Cuz I'm funny.

My winning joke:
Q: Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog?
A: Because he wanted to get a long little doggie.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011


Either I have a thing for clingy foster dogs or I am really bad at taking dog pictures. Probably both.

This is Pepper.Pepper is an 8 month old, 8 pound dachsund/chihuahua mix. She was adopted from the Humane Society a few months ago, but then was brought back with a broken leg. I don't know the circumstances of how the leg was broken or why the family returned her. All I know is that she is sweet, sweet, sweet!

When I got her, she had this HUGE cast on her leg. She could barely walk with it. Her leg weighed as much as she does. Poor thing.When I'd pick her up, she wouldn't know where to put her leg. It would stick out funny and she'd use all her energy to fling it to a more comfortable spot. And every single time she'd do the leg-fling, she'd pop me in the chin with the cast. I regret that I didn't get a video of it because it was quite humorous.

She had to wear the cone to keep her from trying to bite the cast off. I don't blame her for trying though...that thing was huge and heavy and had to be so uncomfortable. Poor dog had a HUGE leg and a head cone. How embarrassing. You know it's pretty sad when Galapogos thinks you're funny-looking!

I think the cone and the cast depressed her. For the first week, she wouldn't eat anything. I tried a bunch of different dog foods, dry and canned, and she wouldn't touch them. Eventually she did eat some cat food, so I was mixing cat food with dry dog food to get her some nourishment.

A week after I got her, she was due back at the hospital so they could change her splint, and then yet another splint change was to be scheduled for 2 weeks after that. However, when the vet did the x-ray, she saw that Pepper's leg was already healed (despite the lack of nutrition!) Pepper is magic! So now instead of an 8 week foster, I only get her for 3 weeks. While I'm happy that she is healed and doesn't have to wear a splint or a cone any longer, I would have liked to keep this sweet doggie around a little longer! She is the waggiest little thing! Every time you talk to her, her tail starts going a mile a minute. So cute!

I especially like having her around because she is not insane about the baby kitties like my dogs are. My dogs have so completely written me off at this point it's like Pepper is my only dog. Unlike my traitor dogs, she's actually happy to see me when I get home.

My dogs are so intent on stalking kitties that I don't think they even know that we have a foster dog in the house. Pepper tries to play with them and they don't even see her. She'll jump up to her full height right into Mo's face saying "Play with me! Play with me! HI! I'M RIGHT HERE!" and Mo doesn't even notice her. Frankie hasn't even sniffed her once. It's all about baby kittens with them. Poor Pepper.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Kitty Insanity

If you were a mama cat and you were looking for a safe place to have your kitties, would you choose my backyard? No, you WOULD NOT because you are smart and sane and you would probably remember this incident where you or your baby-daddy was almost killed by 3 mean dogs.

The mama cat who did choose to have her babies in my backyard is dumb, insane and has no memory.

One day last week, I noticed my dogs acting really weird near the shed. Weirder than usual, that is. My dogs love the shed because all the geckos hang out back there and taunt them. Every trip to the backyard involves at least 3 gecko-chasing trips to the back of the shed. But this day was different. The gecko-chasing involved a lot of frantic whining. That was new.

Being messy hoarders, we store a lot of crap behind the shed, such as green fencing, a piece of wood I'm going to use to eventually make a teeter and another piece of wood that used to be on the boat. This crap makes it so the dogs don't actually fit behind the shed on either side. This crap also made it difficult for me to see what the dogs were freaking out about. I had to climb the wall to see. And this crap is what saved these little kittens from becoming a tasty doggie-snack. Cursing the stupid mama cat, Pat and I reinforced the entrances to the behind-the-shed-kitty-lair with some more crap we have lying around like pool gates and tree stumps. Everyday, ALL DAY, the dogs whine to be let out. Once let out, they run frantically from one side of the shed to the other, then back to the first side, then back to the other side, repeat ad nauseum, whining and crying the entire time.

They are so crazed about these kittens that I have to lead them away by the collar to get them to remember to pee while they're outside. That is not an exaggeration! A few times I actually had to leash them up and take them for a walk to get them to pee! When the dogs are inside the house, every breath is a whine. They whine non-stop to get to go outside. They won't sit still to be brushed, they have stopped bugging me to feed them, they've stopped angling for treats, they've stopped asking for walks. They are 100% obsessed with these kittens. It is very, very annoying.

Please can we eat the kitties?
Yesterday, after a week of kitty madness, the dogs managed to move the pool gate just enough to squeeze by. When I noticed what was going on, Mo was past the gate and stuck in the green fencing. She couldn't go foward any further because of the wood. She couldn't go backward because the gate was in the way. She was completely stuck. I was very worried that she was going to panic and break another leg. I shooed Georgie out of the way to try to rescue Mo. I didn't know where Frankie was. I was freaking out. I moved the heavy stump, moved the heavy bricks, moved the heavy pool gate and then worked to extricate her from the green fencing....only to find that Frankie was stuck in the very same spot but underneath Mo! Oy! Finally I got both dogs safely out of their mess. And I decided the kittens had to go.

I got a box and filled it with soft shirts. I found a nice spot in the alley on the other side of the wall. Shady and hidden and just 3 feet from their original location. Isn't this a nice, lovely, SAFE spot?
I thought skinny thoughts and squeezed between the shed and the wall and handed the kitties out to Pat. Here they are, little and tiny and fuzzy and cute: So cute:Happy and snuggly in their new home:
And I was happy that with the kittens gone, soon my dogs would go back to normal.

Until....a few hours later I went into the alley to check on the kittens in their box and....there was only ONE kitten in the box! I went into the backyard and looked behind the shed. Yep, mama cat and the black kitty were there. Frick. I gave up. I went and fetched the little white kitty and gave it back to mama behind the shed.

And Pat and I built the barriers back up. And the dogs remain insane. Ergh.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Be careful what you wish for

I took the dogs hiking on Tuesday morning. When I hike, I like it to look like this:Two doggies walking nicely ahead of me.

Annoyingly, mostly what I got on Tuesday was this:One doggie walking ahead of me and the other was... Where? EVERYWHERE! After a cold rainy weekend, every gecko and mountain critter in the preserve was sunning on a rock. And Frankie found every single one of them and chased them off. Quite the hunter, he is!

He was off to the side of me chasing geckos into the desert:
He was off to the other side of me chasing a squirrel off the cliff:
He frequently came to a dead stop directly behind me too. This time he was staring down a bird:
His timing was also quite annoying. Any time the trail was covered with loose gravel that I could slip on seemed to him like a wonderful time to go running to the end of the leash and pulling me in the opposite direction. My usual 1 hour hike took an extra 20 minutes with all his starting and stopping and changing of direction. I really wished I had left the dogs at home. So annoyed.

But now I'm really wishing I could take the dogs hiking. I can't because Frankie currently looks like this:Later that afternoon, he somehow hurt his right front paw and he is limping around the house like Mo. Poor puppy. Vet visit on Thursday.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Depth Perception

I had my eyes checked last week. It was definitely time for new glasses as I have been squinting of late. I also worried that maybe my failing vision could have been what caused my horrible migraine experience, so I made an appointment as soon as I was back on my feet.

They have a lot of new-fangled gadgetry at the optometrist these days. Have you been lately? It's awesome! You just look into a machine and it tells the doctor what your prescription should be. I love this because it cuts down on a lot of the "Is A better than B? B or C? C or D?" I hate that because B and C look the exact same and C is better than D in some ways but D is better than C in others. I never know how to answer!

At one point in the exam, the doctor put a pair of sunglasses on over my regular glasses and brought out an i-Pad looking thing. Oooh, more new-fangled gadgetry! There were 9 boxes on the screen. Each box had 5 dots, like a 5 die. She pointed to the first box and asked me which dot was closest to me. Huh? I said none of them was closest. She thought I was being a smart-ass so she asked again, "Ok. Which one appears to be closest to you?" I said that they all appear to be the same distance from me. "Oh," she said. Turns out the sunglasses were 3-D glasses and I have absolutely no depth perception at all. 9 boxes on the test and I couldn't even see the easiest one!!

I've always said I have no depth perception, but people mostly thought I was just making excuses for not being able to hit or catch a ball. Softball, wiffleball, volleyball are all horrible sports for me. I will readily admit that I am uncoordinated and I have slow reflexes too, but really I'm not making excuses....I have no depth perception! Just ask my eye doctor!

I was sharing the eye doctor depth perception story with my soccer team and one of the boys on the team, who happens to be a really nice boy, said "Oh! That explains a lot!" Then later he said again, "No depth perception! That really explains so much!!" Wow :( Am I that bad at soccer?! Just wait til I get tested for coordination and reflexes...that will explain even more!

Friday, April 1, 2011

Girls of Spring

Before you can get to the excitement (I use that term loosely) of the Boys of Summer, you first get the Girls of Spring. The Girls of Spring are specifically two wonderful blonde scruffy ladies; me and Harriet.The Arizona Humane Society does an annual event at a spring training game called Dog Days at the Park. A section of the lawn is set aside for people to bring their pets. Each dog has to buy a ticket as a fundraiser. The AHS sets up an info booth and this year they were making a special push to recruit new foster homes. I volunteered us to be one of the Fabulous Foster teams at the game to talk to people about how great fostering is. Harriet, as always, was happy to go along. As part of the Humane Society's perks of the game, they get to have one of their dogs throw (I use the term loosely) out the first pitch. There were five foster dogs there, three tiny ones, Harriet and a border collie. The border collie was originally chosen but he got nixed because he was being held for the Fashion Show event. That means that the general public wouldn't be able to adopt him. Harriet, was slated for the kennels and general adoptions, plus she was done with her foster time so would be adoptable that week. So, Harriet and I got to throw (still using that term loosely) out the first pitch! Last year the dog peed on the pitcher's mound. My fosters would never do something so uncouth!! On the pitcher's mound: Last year's dog was a big Lab and he actually did carry the ball to the mound. Though she was better at not-peeing than last year's dog, she wasn't able to live up to his glory and I had to carry the ball for her. This is why I use the term "throw" very loosely....throwing out the first pitch: Despite the fact that Harriet didn't actually do anything, the whole crowd applauded like she was the most amazing superstar dog they had ever seen. It was awesome! As we were leaving the field, we passed by the umpires. We had to stop when one of them started calling Harriet's name all squeaky-like and got down on his knees to play with her. It was adorable. It's not very often that there is a slight game delay because an umpire needs to pet a puppy! Harriet was thrilled to make his official acquaintance. This Padre player gave me the ball to keep. I don't know who he is. Anyone recognize him? Is he someone super-famous? Maybe I had a brush with fame! What am I talking about? I don't need a brush with fame. I'm super-famous in my own right! I just got to throw out the first pitch at a MLB game! I'm famous! See? Here are all my fans: Here are more of my fans and all their doggies. They are all respectfully pretending that we are part of the common people and not bothering us for our auto/pawtographs. Final Attendance: The morale of this story is: BECOME A VOLUNTEER! You get good perks!

Fame Points = 30 seconds. I now have 14 minutes left!